The Year of …

Not so many years ago my dad commented to me that when I was a small kid I always asked interesting questions and made interesting observations. The example he gave is that I asked why daddy deer have horns and mommy deer don’t. He said he told me that the daddy deer need them to fight. I apparently thought about that a moment and commented that if that’s the case then the mommy deer should have them because they raise the babies and should have horns to use them fighting to protect the babies.

I remember thinking after he told that little story: “Wow, maybe I really am clever.”

In the past few-ish years I’ve come to ask just one short question more and more: “Why?” And not coming up with an answer.

Clearly I peaked early in life, and my only claim to mental acuity beyond the average 2-to-3-year-old asking the same simple question is that I also rephrase it: “How come?,” “What’s the purpose?” and “Is there a point to this?”

That, now, is my only evidence of advancing sophistication. Such as it is.

I’m not here today to delve into those questions, although I will say this: Don’t worry. I’m not suicidal. Unless I’m trying to eat-and-do-nothing myself to death. The good news, though, is that death by lassitude takes a few decades, so my loved ones will have time for an intervention.

I am here today to – maybe, probably, possibly – make an ass out of myself.

I’m doing the thing every expert tells people they shouldn’t because they’re setting themselves up for failure: I’m making a New Year’s resolution.

I have spent many years falling into this general state of apathy, and I have a long list of things I wish to make different, but I’m not going to set a failure minefield by making a physical list of them, changing everything at once (or in a year), or even formulating a plan.

Given my genetics, there is a strong likelihood that I could like another 40-50 years, with a high probability that at least the next 35 of those years will be sans dementia/Alzheimer’s. That’s a long time to wallow in apathy, and I’m almost as apathetic as one can get without being declared catatonic.

As I said, I have no plan, but I do have a guideline. Every week or so I’m going to try changing something, meeting a goal, starting a new habit, whatever. Some of them might take longer than a week to wrap my brain around. I suspect that at some point I’ll be overloaded with so many changes.

I’ve already implemented a few things that are ongoing projects (don’t make me say struggles). More will come about those later.

This week (or so) my goal is simply to drink more water. I know this sounds stupid but, if I remember, sometime in the future I’ll explain why it’s so important. Trust me, I need water. I need to consciously put effort into hydrating myself – 64 ozs. of water each day.

And, of course, I am blogging again. So that’s two things this week. I’m assuming I can handle it.

I have, if you’re wondering, been doing more writing, but I’ve wanted to get back to this. I write blog entries in my head. A lot. I just don’t commit myself to this, the sitting here and writing them in my blog. Now I’m trying. I may fail, but I’m trying.

This blog entry is an uncomfortably personal declaration to the world, yes, but I’m doing it because, well, if I don’t, I won’t start blogging again. I am compelled by my nature to share the things that my brain is obsessing about or share nothing at all.

Nothing at all was lonely. I felt like I had left things hanging out that needed to be on a shelf for display or zippered up for politeness’ sake.

I was hoping to think of a kick-ass name for this new journey, but the only thing I could come up with is:

“The Year of Living Give-A-Shitly” at pam@viewfromthenorth40.com.

Not so many years ago my dad commented to me that when I was a small kid I always asked interesting questions and made interesting observations. The example he gave is that I asked why daddy deer have horns and mommy deer don’t and he told me that the daddy deer need them to fight. I apparently thought about that a moment and commented that if that’s the case then the mommy deer should have them because they raise the babies and should have horns to use them fighting to protect the babies.

I remember thinking after he told that little story: “Wow, maybe I really am clever.”

In the past few-ish years I’ve come to ask just one short question more and more: “Why?” And not coming up with an answer. Clearly I peaked early in life, and my only claim to mental acuity beyond the average a 2-to-3-year-old asking the same simple question is that I also rephrase it: “How come?,” “What’s the purpose?” and “Is there a point to this?”

That, now, is my only evidence of advancing sophistication. Such as it is.

I’m not here today to delve into those questions, although I will say this: Don’t worry. I’m not suicidal. Unless I’m trying to eat and do-nothing myself to death, but death by lassitude takes a few decades, so there will be time for an intervention.

I am here today to – maybe, probably, possibly – make an ass out of myself. I am doing the thing every expert tells people they shouldn’t because they’re setting themselves up for failure: I’m making a New Year’s resolution.

I have spent many years falling into this general state of apathy, and I have a long list of things I wish to make different, but I’m not going to make a physical list of them. I’m not going to try to change everything at once, or even in a year. I don’t even have a plan.

I just know that things have to change. I have to change them myself (shocking as that is). Given my genetics, there is a strong likelihood that I could like another 40-50 years, with a high probability that at least the next 35 of those years will be sans dementia/Alzheimer’s. That’s a long time to wallow in apathy, and I’m almost as apathetic as one can get without being declared catatonic.

As I said, I have no plan, but I do have this: Every week or so I’m going to try changing something, meeting a goal, starting a new habit, whatever. Some of them might take longer than a week to wrap my brain around. I suspect that at some point I’ll be in overload with so many changes.

I’ve already implemented a few things that are ongoing projects (don’t make me say struggles).

This week (or so) my goal is simply to drink more water. I know this sounds stupid, and if I remember sometime in the future, I’ll explain why it’s so important, but trust me, I need water. I need to consciously put effort into providing myself water – 64 ozs. each day.

And, of course, I am blogging again. So that’s two things this week, but I think I can handle it.

I have, if you’re wondering, been doing more writing, but I’ve wanted to get back to this. I write blog entries in my head. A lot. I just don’t commit myself to this, the sitting here and writing them in my blog. Now I’m trying. In fact, I’ll toast with a big swig of water to that.

Feel free to comment or email me, join in on this endeavor. It’s a personal one,yes, but I’m sitting here declaring it to the world because, well, I am compelled by my nature to share the things that my brain is obsessing about or share nothing at all.

Nothing at all was lonely.

I was hoping to think of a kick-ass name for this journey, but the only thing I could come up with is this:

“The Year of Living Give-A-Shitly” at pam@viewfromthenorth40.com.