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Sometimes I love writing my column. This week I wrote about Go Topless Day. Yes, it’s pretty much about what you think it is. And boobs. I got to write “boob” in the newspaper as if it’s a professional term to be wielded with a straight face.

Not only that, but I also found out about this crazy, UFO-based religion, Raelism … which advocates Go Topless Day … because it’s totally logical that women running around topless is intrinsically linked to alien visitation. Extraterrestrials are only coming here for the boobs. Remember that.

I hope the NSA doesn’t catalog my search history.

They’ll be all, like, WTF? at pam[at]


Remember our friend Amy Bishop, our scary gun-toting, murdering Alabama college instructor friend who went on a rare women’s shooting rampage and killed three colleagues? It seems that the cops have revisited the mysterious 1986 shooting death of her 18-year-old brother and all fingers are pointing to Bishop, in the family home, with the shotgun. Evidence for the case comes complete with a copy of an article, hanging on the wall in Bishop’s childhood bedroom, of the shooting death of actor Patrick Duffy’s parents — the description of which sounds remarkably like the scene of Bishop’s brother’s death. Imagine if you will that Amy Bishop is your mother. Creepy, creepy, creepiness.

Then there’s the case of Mexican bullfighter Christian Hernandez who, at the beginning of his bullfight match, swirled his cape once in front of the bull, dropped it and ran from the arena. He admitted in an interview with The Associated Press that maybe he wasn’t cut out for bullfighting saying, “I didn’t have the ability, I didn’t have the balls, this is not my thing.”

I couldn’t resist writing about him, so see it all on the Write On page. And forgive me for kicking the guy while he’s down.

And if you want a bizarrely heartwarming tear-jerker of a news story, read about this 84-year-old Australian guy who has, for several years, been quietly working to talk people down off the ledge — literally, because his house is right next to a popular launch pad for people determined to jump to their death. It sounds grim, but I swear it’s a nice story.

Bring a tissue at pam(at)

So, if you think your childhood was tough and your parents were unreasonably hard on you, or flat out psycho, guess again. If you’re reading this blog post, your parents weren’t as bad as this New York state mom who choked to death her 18-year-old daughter for being “disrespectful.”

Apparently, the mom was too crazy to realize the child was 18 and, legally, she and her ‘tude could be dumped out on the street to fend for themselves. Frankly, the girl would’ve been better off creating a nice cardboard home down in the local alley, because mom had decided “this will be the last time you speak to me like that.” Murder’s wrong, but she got that prediction right.

And, if you think your children are bad, then maybe you should think again. If they aren’t currently or formerly incarcerated for a crime, chances are they’re better than the 16-year-old boy who announced from a courtesy phone at a Wal-Mart with a history of racial problems: “Attention, Wal-Mart customers: All black people, leave the store now.”

Well, if I had done the same, I doubt my parents would’ve gone to the extreme of the N.Y. mom. However, in the end, I might wish they had rather than endure the agony of guilt and punishment that would’ve been heaped on me at home. I would’ve begged the courts to put me in juvie lockup until I was 18. Then I would’ve begged the French Foreign Legion to take me in, start a female branch of corps so that chick felons and miscreants could find a home in their notorious service.

Oui, je parle le francais maintenant at: pam(at)

Reader BFF Mary sent me a link to a disturbing news article, and honestly, isn’t that why we’re all here? We are disturbed.

Seems a woman in Florida has proven there’s something worse than texting while driving. No, it’s not sexting while driving, but that thought is definitely warmer.

Megan Barnes, 37, of Key West was driving to her boyfriend’s house when she remembered that, omigawd, she’d forgotten to do something important, so she had her passenger grab the wheel to free her hands for the ever-important task. Then bam, they rear-ended another vehicle while going 45 mph.

The task? Oh, she was working on her, uh, bikini shave of her down-there area. For reals. And can I just say that the vehicle crash probably saved her from horribly disfiguring razor burns.

The passenger? That was her ex-husband who, incidentally, tried to take the rap for the crash by jumping into the driver’s seat after they stopped … a half-mile away. But apparently he couldn’t rid himself of the evidence of those pesky passenger-side airbag deployment chest burns. Nice try, though, hero. I have renewed faith that chivalry isn’t dead.

The even bigger issue? The day before, a judge had revoked Barnes’ driver’s license for five years and ordered her to impound her car. She also started nine months of probation. Sorry, hon, but I’m guessing this incident was a violation of said probation. Just guessing.

What I want to know? Can we substitute the word “John” for boyfriend and pimp for ex-husband and make any of this more logical. And maybe get her on a dumbest criminals TV show somewhere. Girl’s gonna need some green to fund a lawyer.

Also from BFF Mary is a tasty bit of style news about some Aussie men’s underwear made with a material blend that includes banana tree bark fiber.

Yeah, bananas + guy underwear = just about any joke you want to, um, insert here.

And to peel off from this topic to slip in a side note: I propose that we begin a campaign to call guy’s undies “gundies.” The general public might go bananas over it.

Another friend, The Dane, sent me this tidbit about a rural Montana district superintendent of schools forgetting that he had a ball loaded in his black powder muzzleloader and firing the round into a classroom wall while giving a demonstration to kids at Reed Point High School.

I like the one kid saying, “Holy criminy.” I’d bet money they were dropping f-bombs and fighting to control the nervous laughter. Or maybe that’s just me.

No word on what’s going to happen to the Super, Dwain Haggard, but since he managed to shoot the center of the “O” in north out of a map during this surprise marksmanship demonstration, I’m guessing folks won’t be giving him too much guff over it. Least ways, not while he’s got the muzzleloader handy.

My own find for the day is possibly the longest running, domino-effect horse/cart wreck in YouTube history. No one was hurt seriously and everyone, four-legged and two, went on to drive again. Animal Planet also has a clip with commentary.

Some of the viewers’ comments were rather scathing, but I’d like to say from my own experience driving horse/cart that things can go haywire quickly. When you add a whole show class full of horses pumped up about the competition and drivers in a situation managed by the announcer on the overhead speakers, I can see the whole situation getting hinky in depths way over everyone’s head mighty fast.

My only judgement of the situation is that it’s unfortunate this happened in an Arab horse class because those equinus poopstainouses have the stamina to maintain a freak-out all day long.

You need horses equivalent to me, too lazy to do anything but stand there and look worried.

Maybe dig some snacks out of my pocket to feed my nerves at: pam(at)

We here at Pamville are all about finding solutions to everyday problems not only to benefit the people experiencing the problems, but also to benefit all of mankind and help create a sense of global unity.

A girl in the U.S recently participated in a 20-month, groundbreaking, obesity prevention study at Rush University Medical Center. The 14-year-old girl, a competitive swimmer, and her family had help with nutrition and exercise counseling. She gained 12 pounds over the course of the study. I feel your pain, hon.

A 14-year-old girl in New Zealand, boogie boarding with her brother along a beach on South Island, was attacked by a shark. Before the shark could do much damage, she beat the bite out of it with her body board. Right on.

In Austria, a group of researchers has discovered that giving fish oil supplements to young people who are between the ages of 13 and 25 and showing early signs of psychosis significantly reduced the participants’ chances of developing schizophrenia. A sound mind just can’t be overrated.

I say, we send the U.S. kids at risk of obesity to coastal New Zealand to help those kiwi kids not just humiliate the sharks with a smack down, but also get a full-body workout bludgeoning the sharks to death and start a cottage industry harvesting shark oils to make the pills to save the Austrian kids from a life of mental health issues.

Just saying, it could be a win, win, win situation by creating skinny, safe, sane kids all around the Earth orb — one boogie board at a time.

Or are we being unreasonable at: pam(at)viewfromthenorth40(dot)com

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