The government ruins everything.

I was thinking about booking a flight to anywhere just so I could get felt up by a TSA agent. Y’know, I have reached a certain age and degree of heftiness that means I don’t merit even a second glance from guys other than my husband, who was run over several times as a child. And I certainly don’t rate an “accidental” brush up while passing a guy in a crowded room. That ship done sailed off into the broad side of an iceberg.

It was a great plan to stroke my ego until I found out that I have to be “patted down” by woman. A woman? Shut up. Don’t get me wrong. If that’s what does it for you, be my guest, but I’m looking for the TSA guy who moonlights as a cabana boy. Just saying.

Cabana boy would be worth the price of admission.

Then I read this headline on “12 million Mylanta bottles recalled.” That has to be government inspired. Who else would just recall the bottles and not the stuff inside them? Now 12 million households are going to have jelly jars and resealable plastic baggies filled with Mylanta gook so their owners can send the bottles back from whence they came.

No I didn’t read the article.

Where’s the fun in that? at: pam[at]