Here we are suffering through a wind and wet storm to the tune of 60mph gusts bringing driving rain, blown over billboards and trees and a power line unloosed from its moorings and falling across the highway. Snow. And our internet is duh-own, forcing John to cobble some lame-o one-bar connection on his laptop, bypassing the high-tech gizmo in the office window that normally gives us our glorious, high-powered wi-fi wonder.

Go ahead and say it: I’m totally a goddess for suffering through this hardship to bring you a scoop. And the hearsay story goes:

A Hi-Line area woman who works in a Havre shop has a 16-year-old son who is developmentally disabled. They have a good relationship, and he calls her frequently during the day to check in. At one point in recent days the boy called his mom to say that he’d captured a troll in their closet.

Because the son was so excited and adamant about the story, the mom questioned him further, about the troll … the troll who was locked in the closet.

During the son’s recounting of the highly unbelievable story — there being no such fantastical things as trolls here in the real world — the mom heard some odd noises in the background.

Noises which seemed to suggest that some unknown someone actually was locked in a closet. In her home. Where her son was supposed to be alone. And safe.

The mom rushed the several miles home to discover that the son had, in fact, locked in the closet a Census Bureau representative who was, no shit, a dwarf.

Not to be politically incorrect here or rub salt in any wounded pride, but you can see the boy’s point. Right? And you can kind of understand why he was so upset at the mom for freeing his prized troll. Right? I mean, what a feat for a kid to capture and imprison what he fully believed to be an honest to elves troll bent on home invasion and other ill-deeds.

Nevertheless, this is real life and the man had been locked in the closet for, reportedly, five hours.

The mom apologized profusely, asking repeatedly for some way in which she could make things right for the man. He was, after all, a federal representative, and this whole troll-locked-in-a-closet incident was a personal affront and could become an issue of federal proportions.

The height-challenged Census Bureau representative proved that he is, in the end, a big man in the ways that matter and not a troll at all when he asked the mom for just one thing: that she call his boss to explain his lost time under house arrest … because the boss was never going to believe the crazy shit that went down that day.

This is the stuff legends are made of at: pam(at)