Reader BFF Mary sent me a link to a disturbing news article, and honestly, isn’t that why we’re all here? We are disturbed.

Seems a woman in Florida has proven there’s something worse than texting while driving. No, it’s not sexting while driving, but that thought is definitely warmer.

Megan Barnes, 37, of Key West was driving to her boyfriend’s house when she remembered that, omigawd, she’d forgotten to do something important, so she had her passenger grab the wheel to free her hands for the ever-important task. Then bam, they rear-ended another vehicle while going 45 mph.

The task? Oh, she was working on her, uh, bikini shave of her down-there area. For reals. And can I just say that the vehicle crash probably saved her from horribly disfiguring razor burns.

The passenger? That was her ex-husband who, incidentally, tried to take the rap for the crash by jumping into the driver’s seat after they stopped … a half-mile away. But apparently he couldn’t rid himself of the evidence of those pesky passenger-side airbag deployment chest burns. Nice try, though, hero. I have renewed faith that chivalry isn’t dead.

The even bigger issue? The day before, a judge had revoked Barnes’ driver’s license for five years and ordered her to impound her car. She also started nine months of probation. Sorry, hon, but I’m guessing this incident was a violation of said probation. Just guessing.

What I want to know? Can we substitute the word “John” for boyfriend and pimp for ex-husband and make any of this more logical. And maybe get her on a dumbest criminals TV show somewhere. Girl’s gonna need some green to fund a lawyer.

Also from BFF Mary is a tasty bit of style news about some Aussie men’s underwear made with a material blend that includes banana tree bark fiber.

Yeah, bananas + guy underwear = just about any joke you want to, um, insert here.

And to peel off from this topic to slip in a side note: I propose that we begin a campaign to call guy’s undies “gundies.” The general public might go bananas over it.

Another friend, The Dane, sent me this tidbit about a rural Montana district superintendent of schools forgetting that he had a ball loaded in his black powder muzzleloader and firing the round into a classroom wall while giving a demonstration to kids at Reed Point High School.

I like the one kid saying, “Holy criminy.” I’d bet money they were dropping f-bombs and fighting to control the nervous laughter. Or maybe that’s just me.

No word on what’s going to happen to the Super, Dwain Haggard, but since he managed to shoot the center of the “O” in north out of a map during this surprise marksmanship demonstration, I’m guessing folks won’t be giving him too much guff over it. Least ways, not while he’s got the muzzleloader handy.

My own find for the day is possibly the longest running, domino-effect horse/cart wreck in YouTube history. No one was hurt seriously and everyone, four-legged and two, went on to drive again. Animal Planet also has a clip with commentary.

Some of the viewers’ comments were rather scathing, but I’d like to say from my own experience driving horse/cart that things can go haywire quickly. When you add a whole show class full of horses pumped up about the competition and drivers in a situation managed by the announcer on the overhead speakers, I can see the whole situation getting hinky in depths way over everyone’s head mighty fast.

My only judgement of the situation is that it’s unfortunate this happened in an Arab horse class because those equinus poopstainouses have the stamina to maintain a freak-out all day long.

You need horses equivalent to me, too lazy to do anything but stand there and look worried.

Maybe dig some snacks out of my pocket to feed my nerves at: pam(at)veiwfromthenorth40.com

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