It’s 3:18 a.m. I just deleted all my initial, delirious ramblings. You can thank me later.

The gist of the blah blah blah was: For reasons that are numerous and boring, I’m so dehydrated that I woke up from a dream in which I kept insisting I couldn’t leave the scene without the jug of water which I was repeatedly thwarted from reaching. My internal editor finally kicked in with this thought, “It’s my dream. Just gimme the water, dammit, and let’s move on.” Dream-me was as insistent about getting the drinking water as Dream-me usually is about needing a bathroom — which is the red flag of danger that I need to get up and pee before my bladder bursts and I have major electrical problems because the mattress pad is heated, not water proof.

Internal editor finally had this thought, “Why would I want that water so badly?” I woke up and, oh, I’m thirsty and couldn’t get past the dehydrated feeling, y’know, without water. Thus I am here with my second glass of H-lovely-2-O and a dehydration hangover. I would be using this time to write my column, but I checked my email and found that one of the mighty Readers used the newly added link in the left sidebar to get to the Havre Daily News’ online edition. She reported that, yes, much to my surprise, the site does have my column … and my picture.

I am horrified on so many levels right now.

One, the paper’s current site host insists that paragraph breaks are impossible. I thought the host’s excuses to be, hmm, stoopid (better words are not available until after 5 a.m.), and I pitied our editor and our journalists for this ridiculous situation.

Of course, now that I’ve seen MY stuff on there looking all mish-mashed and thrown together in a hodgepodge of relentless sentences, I’m outraged. Outraged. I will advocate we get switched over to the new (promised) site — which promises paragraph breaks — as soon as humanly possible. Honestly, what are those people thinking displaying my work in such manner?

And all the many other levels of horror have to do with the fact that my picture is on the page, too. Holey mother of fishnet stockings, seeing that knocked all the sleep out of my eyes. I didn’t know that my column was online (though I suspect it isn’t included every week), and I surely never suspected my picture would be included in that online experience. Ack.

For pity sake, cover the children’s eyes at: pam(at)viewfromthenorth40(dot)com

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